Reflect

Let’s talk about free will—or, as Robert Sapolsky (the world-famous Stanford neuroscientist, primatologist, author, and, fun fact, a man whose kids I nannied for likes to put it: “Free will is that charming little illusion we humans hold onto while our nervous systems quietly run the entire show.” According to Sapolsky, we’re basically walking collections of hormones, childhood experiences, attachment patterns, trauma histories—all firing together to create what we call “cho

If there’s one thing therapy has taught me—both as a therapist and as a fallible, imperfect person—it’s that perfection has never healed anyone. Not once. And honestly, holding ourselves to that impossible standard is often what creates the deepest suffering. What heals is honesty. What heals is showing up with the cracks, the dents, the “I wish I hadn’t done that” moments, the grief we’ve been white-knuckling, the mistakes we’ve tried to bury under a busy schedule and a tigh

Heartbreak has a way of stopping time. One minute you’re moving through your life, making plans, imagining a future—and the next, the ground shifts. Suddenly, the most ordinary moments feel heavy: waking up, making coffee, walking past the place you used to share. As a therapist, I sit with people in this space every day. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: heartbreak is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that you attached, you cared, you

Life isn’t about the cards you’re dealt—it’s about how you play them. In the 1990s, Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) conducted the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study, fundamentally changing how we understand the long-term impact of childhood trauma. The research revealed a powerful connection between early adversity and struggles later in life, including mental health challenges, addiction, and chronic medical conditions. The

Trigger Warning This article contains descriptions of trauma, sexual assault, and death. Please take care while reading. Why I’m Sharing My Story As a psychotherapist, I aim to support my clients in all areas of their lives, especially as they process trauma and loss. For years, I have been apprehensive about sharing my personal experiences outside of therapy sessions. Recently, a long-term client asked me how and why I became a trauma therapist. Their question prompted me to

College is often described as a time of self-discovery, new experiences, and unexpected connections—and my own experience was no exception. I remember meeting my college boyfriend and stepping into a world that was both unfamiliar and deeply intriguing. We met in Philosophy class of all places and when he approached me he handed me a book about Buddhism… with his phone number tucked inside and a note asking me to go to the movies with him. I thought,“Smooth… and also very on

As therapists, we aim to meet every client with cultural humility, curiosity, and openness. We meet them where they are—without judgment. I truly believe that understanding a client’s “why we’re here” is often the key to figuring out how to help them get to where they want to go. Time and again, clients begin answering questions about religion, the afterlife, or personal beliefs with the familiar preface: “This is going to sound so woo-woo…” Here’s the thing: everyone’s “woo-

My version of a midlife crisis didn’t involve a red Corvette—it came with handlebars and a helmet. Somewhere between raising kids and running a therapy practice, I did something wildly out of character: I signed up for motorcycle lessons. This has been a long-standing dream, and now—firmly planted in midlife—I figured, if not now, when? Learning to ride has been equal parts thrilling, terrifying, humbling, and hilarious. It’s a full-body workout in concentration, balance, and

Nervous Systems in the Stands If you ever need a real-time lesson on nervous system dysregulation, skip the textbook and head straight to...

AI has ushered us into a new era. If the internet was once considered the information superhighway, artificial intelligence is the Millennium Falcon—blasting us into hyperspace at faster-than-light speeds. It’s thrilling, powerful, and incredibly useful. But according to some experts, it’s also a little terrifying—and a potential threat to humanity as we know it. Yikes.   The most immediate concerns? How AI Challenges Our Work, Professions, Training, and Education. Its effici

Welcome to the digital sexual revolution, where people of all genders and sexual orientations are unapologetically writing their own definitions of sex, relationships, and intimacy. And honestly? I’m here for it. In therapy, there’s no such thing as “TMI.” Sexuality is a natural, messy, complicated, and a beautiful part of the human experience—and it deserves a seat on the therapy couch right alongside stress, grief, and family drama. Not all nervous systems are equipped to h

Grief is the word we, as mere mortals, use to try to contain the vast, untamable sorrow of losing those we love. I’ve spent years dipping my feet in its shallows, sometimes burying my head in the sand, hoping to avoid its full weight. But now, in my forties, the grief tsunami has hit. ​ Maybe it’s because I’ve reached the halfway point of my life, and the absence of so many loved ones feels sharper, more pronounced. Maybe it’s because I’ve had more time to reflect, to sit wit

A good golf caddie is said to know the challenges and obstacles of the golf course and the best strategy for playing it. A helpful caddie would know the overall yardage, pin placements, and best club selection at any hole. What do golf and caddies have to do with therapy? At first glance, not much. Besides, engaging in the sport can be therapeutic for some in a not-so-Happy-Gilmore way. I was delighted to hear a client share the unique role and obligation a caddie has to hi

The first Marine with Complex PTSD I ever encountered wasn’t a client or a patient—it was my father. A proud Filipino Irish American, he volunteered to serve in Vietnam, carrying a fierce sense of duty and courage. But like so many others who served, he returned with wounds that weren’t visible. Looking back now as a therapist, I wish EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) had been available to support his healing journey. ​ Over the years, I’ve had the honor of

Clients have wondered if it’s possible to “do therapy wrong.” How could that be wrong if you are in our session to find meaning, healing,...

I once heard someone liken choosing a therapist to picking out a car. You must know what kind of car you want and even take a test drive...

Tools to Calm the Anxious Mind Worrying comes with the territory of being human in these trying times. We are all too familiar with those anxious, questioning internal voices.   “What if the worst were to happen?” “Could I be doing more?” “Am I enough?!”​   Most of the time, our Anxious Minds are manageable, controllable, and even helpful.  Anxiety is a natural occurrence and motivates us to take care of business. That anxiety might have kicked you into high gear during the p

I’ve learned to “take the L,” as my son refers to it while losing to him in sports, which I can accept as long as I strive to "take the...

My 11-year-old son regularly educates me on what is and what is not a vibe. Apparently, this is a very serious assessment, often referred to as a “vibe check.” He insists that homework and bedtime kill his vibe—though, after 20 minutes of listening to him complain about it, I can confirm that his complaining kills mine. ​ As a true (now) Southern Californian family, we sprinkle “vibe” and “dude” into our sentences more often than Jeff Spicoli himself. But for those of us who

“The family is an emotional unit, and an individual cannot be understood in isolation from their family system" —— Murray Bowen, M.D.,...