Reflect

I grew up with four sisters and one brother—six kids, two parents, and one bathroom. My brother didn’t exactly have the easiest setup. Being the lone boy in a house full of girls—with more bunk beds than a boot camp—he was outnumbered from the start. Our home was chaotic, loud, and sometimes emotionally overwhelming. When I think back, one memory always makes me smile. After school, I used to take my brother and my two younger sisters on the public bus—three little ducklings

Have you ever felt like part of you wants one thing while another part wants the exact opposite? Part of you wants to leave the relationship. Part of you desperately wants to stay. Part of you knows you're safe. Part of you feels terrified. Part of you wants to speak up. Part of you would rather keep the peace. Part of you knows your worth. Part of you is convinced you'll be abandoned if you ask for what you need. If so, you're not crazy. You're human. One of the things I lov

College is often described as a time of self-discovery, unexpected experiences, and relationships that leave lasting impressions. Looking back, I've realized that some of the people who shape us most aren't the ones who stay the longest. I met my college boyfriend in a philosophy class of all places. One day he walked up to me, handed me a book about Buddhism, and tucked inside was his phone number along with a note asking me to go to the movies. I remember thinking, "Smooth.

There’s a concept we come back to often in therapy: focus on what you can control. It sounds simple—until you’re raising a teenager in a world moving faster than you ever expected, where independence suddenly comes with handlebars and a throttle. For adolescents, everything is changing at once: their bodies, their minds, their social circles, and their hunger for independence—and, apparently, very expensive bikes (courtesy of YouTuber Sur Ronster). Now add electric bikes to t

In EMDR and resourcing work, I often invite clients to identify a nurturing figure—someone (or something) that evokes safety, warmth, protection, and unconditional care. And time and time again, something beautiful happens. It’s not a parent. Not a partner. Not even a wise fictional character. It’s their dog. Their cat. A horse they bonded with as a child. Or an animal they lost years ago that still feels present in their nervous system. And honestly, that makes perfect sense

My version of a midlife crisis didn’t involve a red Corvette—it came with handlebars and a helmet. Somewhere between raising kids and running a therapy practice, I did something wildly out of character: I signed up for motorcycle lessons. This has been a long-standing dream, and now—firmly planted in midlife—I figured, if not now, when? Learning to ride has been equal parts thrilling, terrifying, humbling, and hilarious. It’s a full-body workout in concentration, balance, and

Over the past few weeks, the same theme has surfaced again and again in my therapy office. Different people. Different backgrounds. Different life stories. And yet, the same painful words: "I feel like I’m failing." "I should be further ahead." "Everyone else seems to have it figured out." "Why am I not where they are?" The comparison list changes, but the underlying wound often stays the same. Income. Career. Relationships. Weight. Appearance. Age. Success. Status. Accomplis

As therapists, we aim to meet every client with cultural humility, curiosity, and openness. We meet them where they are—without judgment. I truly believe that understanding a client’s “why we’re here” is often the key to figuring out how to help them get to where they want to go. Time and again, clients begin answering questions about religion, the afterlife, or personal beliefs with the familiar preface: “This is going to sound so woo-woo…” Here’s the thing: everyone’s “woo-

Heartbreak has a way of stopping time. One minute you're making plans and imagining a future; the next, the ground shifts beneath you. Suddenly, ordinary moments feel heavy—waking up, making coffee, passing places that once held meaning. As a therapist, I sit with people in this space every day. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: heartbreak isn't proof that something is wrong with you. It's proof that you cared. I know this not just from clinical work—I know it

Welcome to the digital sexual revolution, where people of all genders and sexual orientations are unapologetically writing their own definitions of sex, relationships, and intimacy. And honestly, I’m here for it. In therapy, there’s no such thing as “TMI.” Sexuality is a natural, messy, complicated, and beautiful part of the human experience—and it deserves a seat on the therapy couch right alongside stress, grief, and family drama. Not all nervous systems are equipped to han

I want my two hours back because I hate horror movies. I hate jump scares. I hate slasher films. I hate that feeling of sitting on edge, waiting for something to jump out of a dark hallway when you already know it’s coming. So naturally, I spent my Friday night watching The Backrooms with my teenagers after a long week of work. Self-care is apparently flexible in my house. To its credit, the film does exactly what it sets out to do. It’s unsettling, atmospheric, and creepy as

Nervous Systems in the Stands If you ever need a real-time lesson on nervous system dysregulation, skip the textbook and head straight to your nearest Little League baseball field. You’ll find it right there—in living color, with sunflower seeds flying. You’ll know you’ve arrived when you see the dad gripping the chain-link fence like it’s a life raft, the mom pacing behind the bleachers doing deep sighs, and the coach who looks one bad call away from needing an emergency min

When we talk about love, we almost always talk about romantic love. The first kiss. The wedding. The soulmate. The happily ever after. But somewhere along the way, we've overlooked another love story—one that's quietly carried many of us through every season of life. The love between women. Not romantic love. Friendship. The kind that begins in childhood, grows through adolescence, evolves in college, and somehow manages to weave itself into every chapter that follows. It's t

Trigger Warning This article discusses childhood trauma, sexual assault, murder, and grief. Please read at your own pace, and pause or step away if needed. Why I’m Sharing This I am a psychotherapist. I sit with people in the quiet and often unseen spaces of trauma, grief, and repair. For a long time, I kept parts of my own story at a distance. Not hidden, but held carefully—because it carries weight, and because telling it requires my nervous system to stay with it rather th

Birthdays come up in the therapy room more often than you might think. As humans, we are pattern-making and meaning-making machines. We attach significance to dates, anniversaries, holidays, and especially birthdays. A birthday is rarely just another day on the calendar. It becomes a marker of survival, identity, relationships, loss, growth, and the passage of time itself. For some clients, birthdays bring up wonderful memories. They remember parties, traditions, favorite cak

My boyfriend Michael died two weeks after my 18th birthday. Almost a year before, he and two friends had been drinking underage at a party they should not have been at and driving a car that wasn't theirs. They crashed into a light pole in the next town over. I got the call the next morning—his mother's voice breaking the quiet. One friend was gone on impact. Another survived, but would never walk the same again. Michael broke his neck. He spent months suspended between life

“The family is an emotional unit, and an individual cannot be understood in isolation from their family system" —— Murray Bowen, M.D., Psychiatrist and Founder of Family Systems Theory I only work directly with individuals, but my clients' family members always play a vital role in sessions. Many clients come to therapy because relationships with parents, siblings, partners, or extended family have become painful or confusing. Whether clients are overwhelmed by painful commun

Let’s start here: Not every ex-partner or mother is a narcissist. Sometimes people are avoidant, emotionally immature, or simply not capable of meeting us where we are. Labeling every painful relationship as narcissistic abuse can dilute the term and muddy the waters. But. Some people are narcissistic. And some, more dangerously, are malignant narcissists. If you've been involved with one—or believed you loved one—you may still be living in the emotional aftershocks: confused

I was raised deeply Catholic. Not casually Catholic. Not “Christmas and Easter” Catholic. I mean, Catholic school uniform for eight years, Catholic. Religion was woven into the fabric of my childhood. I was immersed in it wholeheartedly. I was school president, read scriptures at the podium in church, and even played the Virgin Mary in Midnight Mass. Yes, that Catholic. And for a long time, that structure gave me identity, belonging, and meaning. But somewhere along the way,

My 12-year-old son regularly educates me on what is—and what is not—a vibe. Apparently, this is a very serious assessment process, often referred to as a “vibe check.” He insists that homework and bedtime kill his vibe—though, after 20 minutes of listening to him protest both, I can confirm that his complaining has the same effect on mine. As a family now firmly rooted in Southern California, we sprinkle “vibe” and “dude” into our sentences more often than Jeff Spicoli himsel