Free Will and Willing Change

Let's talk about free will—or, as Robert Sapolsky (the world-famous Stanford neuroscientist, primatologist, author, and—fun fact—the man whose kids I once nannied) puts it: "Free will is that charming little illusion we humans hold onto while our nervous systems quietly run the entire show."

According to Sapolsky, we're basically walking collections of hormones, childhood experiences, attachment patterns, and trauma histories—all firing together to create what we call "choices."

Sapolsky takes that argument even further, suggesting that what we experience as free will may not exist in the way we think it does. Whether or not you agree with him, I find hope in something equally fascinating: people change. Every day in therapy, I watch brains adapt, bodies recalibrate, and old patterns loosen their grip. Neuroplasticity is basically your nervous system saying, "Okay, fine...I guess we can try something new."

So maybe free will isn't a superpower. Maybe it's more like steering a kayak while the river has strong opinions. You don't control the current, but with awareness, support, and perhaps a bossy, slightly annoying therapist (yours truly), you can still move in your own direction—or at least not crash into the rocks.

And that’s where therapy often comes in—not with blame, but with curiosity:

• Why does this pattern keep showing up?

• Where did it originate?

• Do you want to do things differently or the same? Why?

Real change rarely happens all at once. It happens through repeated moments of awareness, practiced over time. As Dr. Dan Siegel often says, "With practice, a mindful state becomes a mindful trait."

Call it paradoxical. Call it neuroscience meets existential unraveling. Or just call it a Tuesday in my office.

So, as they say, dear friend, set yourself (and your "will") free.

Freely and Willingly,

Mandy