Body Counts, Rosters, Situationships, and Sneaky Links—Oh My!

Welcome to the digital sexual revolution, where people of all genders and sexual orientations are unapologetically writing their own definitions of sex, relationships, and intimacy. And honestly? I’m here for it. In therapy, there’s no such thing as “TMI.” Sexuality is a natural, messy, complicated, and a beautiful part of the human experience—and it deserves a seat on the therapy couch right alongside stress, grief, and family drama. Not all nervous systems are equipped to handle more casual or nontraditional connections—and attachment style plays a big role too. For instance, a situationship may be too activating for an anxiously insecure attachment type, and may even re-injure the "not enough" part of the person. As we say in therapy, this is all “grist for the mill.”

Now, let me be clear: I’m not a certified sex therapist. But I do support clients’ relational well-being around their intimate "relations." That might mean helping someone process the sadness of no longer having sex with their spouse, unpacking performance anxiety, or exploring limerence and porn addiction. The truth is, there’s no universal “normal” in the bedroom. The real question is: Does your sexual behavior, desire, fetish, or kink add to your life—or take away from it? Can you allow yourself space for both your longing and your self-acceptance?

The hard part? Guilt and shame are often riding shotgun. Many people carry religious trauma, body image struggles (kudos to Instagram for setting the bar at “unrealistic”), and cultural messages that warp how they see pleasure, sex, and themselves. Instead of joy, people end up with judgment. Their painful distress keeps them from getting undressed. 

As a therapist, my job isn’t to tell anyone how to live their sex life. My role is to create a space where clients can explore what’s painful, confusing, or overwhelming—even if it's their aversion, avoidance or inhibitions- we stay curious. I validate, and I help people process with compassion until they can accept themselves fully—yes, genitals included. Do I have my own sexual hang ups? Sure, the eight years I spent in catholic school was not for naught. I too am a work in progress. Shout out to my therapist.

So, dear friend: desire, arousal, and attraction are not flaws; they’re part of your human wiring. I invite you to honor the sensual part of yourself and make choices that align with your values, your goals, and your version of a meaningful life.

Smash or don’t smash. The important thing is that you own your choice—and that it’s right for you.

All things spicy.

Mandy