​“The family is an emotional unit, and an individual cannot be

understood in isolation from their family system.”

-Bowen

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I only work with individuals, but my clients' family members always play a vital role in our sessions.  Many of my clients are seeking support to address painful feelings due to family-related challenges. Whether clients are overwhelmed by painful communication, political rifts, or marital tension, the root often leads back to the family system.  Some clients feel overwhelmed by too much family involvement—unsolicited opinions, blurred boundaries, or constant pressure. Others grieve the absence of support, connection, or emotional presence. Regardless of its form, our family systems shape how we show up in the world—and how we see ourselves.

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Family Systems Theory suggests that a family operates like a living organism—each member is interconnected, and when one person is affected, the entire system feels it. The family unit strives to maintain balance, or homeostasis, even if that means holding on to unhealthy dynamics. Often, this stability comes at the expense of one member's well-being, as the system unconsciously resists change. This theory helps us understand how roles, patterns, and relationships impact everyone’s emotional health and behavior. People often come to therapy to understand the family ties that bind and/or bond them.

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In many family systems, we unconsciously adopt certain roles—like the peacemaker, the scapegoat, or the problem child—based on who our family believes we are or once were. I’ve learned the damaging effects of projected roles firsthand—or maybe I should say first hoof, as a recovering family scapegoat. These roles can persist over time, even as we grow and evolve. Personal growth, while healthy, can feel threatening to the family system. When we begin to speak up, set boundaries, or change old patterns, we disrupt long-established balance. This shift often leads to painful ruptures, and in some cases, the difficult choice to cut family ties and go “no contact.”

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In therapy, we gently explore these dynamics and the different parts of self that emerge within family relationships—often the younger, more vulnerable parts that adapted to survive. We help clients recognize these outdated roles and release unrealistic expectations. With compassion, we support their adult selves in setting boundaries, honoring their growth, and protecting the inner child that still longs for safety and acceptance.

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Family systems are just that: systems. They can serve as supportive, nurturing templates that shape us in beautiful ways—but sometimes, the very systems that once felt like safety nets begin to feel more like chains. Part of the work is learning how to “loosen the ties” to stay in connection but with emotional safety.

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Family dynamics are deeply personal. You get to decide: Are these ties a lifeline, or cutting off your circulation?  My hope for you, dear friend, is that you thrive as your fullest self, whether within your family system or outside of it, free from feeling emotionally tied down.

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Onward,

Mandy