Finding Our Way Home

I was raised deeply Catholic.

Not casually Catholic. Not “Christmas and Easter” Catholic. I mean, Catholic school uniform for eight years, Catholic. Religion was woven into the fabric of my childhood. I was immersed in it wholeheartedly. I was school president, read scriptures during Sunday Mass, and even played Mary in Midnight Mass. Yes, that Catholic.

And for a long time, that structure gave me identity, belonging, and meaning.

But somewhere along the way, another path quietly began calling to me.

In college, I started meditating. Picture this: a stressed-out college student sitting awkwardly on a meditation cushion trying to “find enlightenment” between parties and exams. I even hung a strand of wooden prayer beads on my doorknob so my roommates would know to quietly come in because I was meditating.

Looking back now, it makes me smile.

But even then, something about stillness spoke to me.

I read The Tao of Pooh, and oddly enough, a simple little bear named Pooh helped open my eyes to an entirely different way of understanding life. Buddhism and Eastern philosophy didn’t ask for achievement, material items, nor external validation. They invited me to observe myself. To soften. To become aware. Just be.

Slowly, I found myself leaning toward Buddhism, meditation, mindfulness, and the idea that we are not separate from life — we are part of it.

Part of nature. Part of one another. Part of the animals, the earth, the food we eat, the air we breathe, and the people we love. I made it exactly three months as a vegetarian before a late-night at a Burger King drive-thru after the bars reminded me I was apparently not yet spiritually evolved enough to “have it my way” without a cheeseburger.

Everything is interconnected.

That idea changed me.

Non-Duality and the Illusion of Separation

One concept I continually return to is non-duality.

Non-duality teaches that much of human suffering comes from believing we are fundamentally separate:

• me versus you

• good versus bad

• race versus race

• rich versus poor

• gender versus gender

• worthy versus unworthy

We divide everything. Today political leaders use this in their "othering tactics." Us against those "others."

But beneath all of those identities, labels, fears, and social constructs, we are all profoundly human. We all want love, safety, connection, meaning, and belonging. We all suffer. I know this from hours in my therapy room listening to the most human human stories people share through their tears.

We all lose our way at times.

Non-duality reminds me that separation is often an illusion created by ego and fear.

And honestly, humanity could use a little more non-duality right now. Especially politically, and in the United States in particular. 

The Big “S” Self

In my therapy office, I sometimes talk with clients about the “Big S Self.”

Yes, sometimes with humor. But also with deep intention.

The little self is the ego self:

• the fearful self

• the reactive self

• the ashamed self

• the comparing self

• the defensive self

• the self obsessed with validation, rejection, control, perfection, or image

The little self says:

“I’m not enough.” “I need approval.” “I am my mistakes.” “I am separate.”

But the Big “S” Self is something entirely different.

The Big “S” Self is the grounded, compassionate, aware part of us that remembers:

• We are connected

• We are more than our wounds

• Emotions are temporary

• Identity is fluid

• compassion matters

• presence matters

• LOVE MATTERS

The Big “S” Self is the part of us that can pause before reacting. The part that can witness pain without becoming consumed by it. The part that remembers we are not just our trauma, shame, fear, or ego.

And when clients reconnect to that larger self, something shifts.

There is often:

• less rigidity

• less defensiveness

• less black-and-white thinking

• more compassion

• more grounding

• more emotional freedom

My favorite out is the humor we find in all the seriousness. Think of all the Buddhist statues and their half smirks.

Finding Freedom Outside of Fear

Ironically, Buddhism did not pull me away from spirituality. It deepened it.

Meditation opened a door into a profound sense of groundedness and peace that I had never experienced before. Instead of spirituality rooted in fear or perfectionism, I began experiencing spirituality through awareness, compassion, presence, and interconnectedness.

And to be clear, I still deeply appreciate my Catholic upbringing and my parents’ efforts to raise their six children to be good humans. Their hard-earned tuition money was not for naught.

But Buddhism and meditation expanded my world in a way that allowed me to breathe more fully into myself.

Maybe that is why I keep returning to non-duality over and over again — personally and professionally.

Because every single day we affect one another: through our words, our nervous systems, our kindness, our wounds, our presence, our absence, our love, and our pain.

We belong to each other more than we realize.

And maybe the healthiest version of ourselves — the Big “S” Self — remembers that.

Dear friend, maybe healing is simply finding your way back to your Big “S” Self — the grounded, compassionate, connected part of you beneath all the fear, shame, ego, and beautiful human messiness. 

I hope that through our work together, you feel more connected to your Big “S” Self, to others, and perhaps a little more at home within yourself — remembering that none of us exist separately, and that we are all deeply interconnected in ways both seen and unseen.

Non-Dualistically, 

Mandy