Anxiety: Your Brain Isn't Broken—It's Trying to Protect You

If I had to name the number one reason people seek therapy, anxiety would be at the top of the list.

Whether it's constant worrying, racing thoughts, difficulty sleeping, panic attacks, overthinking conversations, fear of the future, or simply feeling like your mind won't slow down, anxiety is one of the most common reasons people walk through my (virtual) therapy door.

The good news?

Anxiety isn't a character flaw, weakness, or something that's "wrong" with you.

It's actually one of the most adaptive human responses we have.

Anxiety Was Designed to Keep Us Alive

Long before smartphones, emails, traffic, and overflowing calendars, our ancestors relied on anxiety to survive.

Anxiety activated the body to find food, avoid predators, protect loved ones, prepare for danger, and stay alert to threats. Without it, humans probably wouldn't have survived.

Our nervous systems were designed to ask one important question:

"Am I safe?"

The challenge is that our brains haven't evolved nearly as quickly as the world around us.

Today, most of us aren't running from predators. We're responding to work deadlines, financial stress, relationship conflict, parenting, social media, health concerns, and an endless stream of information. Unfortunately, our nervous systems often respond to those stressors with the same survival response they once reserved for life-threatening danger.

Anxiety Isn't Always Telling the Truth

One of the most important things I help clients understand is that anxiety is trying to protect you.

The problem is that it sometimes overestimates danger.

Our brains become incredibly good at asking:

• What if I fail?

• What if they don't like me?

• What if I embarrass myself?

• What if something terrible happens?

• What if I lose my job?

• What if I never figure this out?

Notice something?

These are predictions.

Not facts.

An anxious brain often mistakes possibility for probability.

Just because something could happen doesn't mean it's likely to happen.

A Practice I Use with Clients: "Real Bullets or Fake Bullets?"

One exercise I frequently use with clients is something I call "Real Bullets or Fake Bullets?"

Before I explain, let me be clear: I do not promote gun violence in any way. This is simply a metaphor that many people find memorable because it reflects how our nervous system responds to perceived danger.

When anxiety takes over, our brains often react as if we're under attack.

So I encourage clients to pause and ask themselves:

"Is this a real bullet or a fake bullet?"

In other words:

• Is there an actual, immediate threat happening right now?

• Or is my brain sounding the alarm about something it imagines could happen in the future?

Your feelings are always real.

The racing heart is real.

The tight chest is real.

The fear is real.

But the danger itself isn't always real.

This simple question helps create just enough space to separate what is happening from what the anxious mind is predicting.

If You're Going to Play the "What If?" Game...

I have one rule.

If your brain gets to ask:

"What if everything goes wrong?"

Then it also has to ask:

"What if everything works out?"

"What if I handle this better than I expect?"

"What if this challenge helps me grow?"

This isn't about pretending everything will be perfect.

It's about balancing the conversation.

Our brains naturally have a negativity bias. From an evolutionary standpoint, paying attention to danger helped humans survive.

Therapy helps us remember that possibility exists alongside uncertainty.

Anxiety Lives in the Body

Anxiety isn't just something we think.

It's something we feel.

Many clients describe:

• Racing thoughts

• Rumination

• A tight chest

• Heart palpitations

• Shallow breathing

• Sweaty palms

• Muscle tension

• Restlessness

• Difficulty concentrating

• Feeling constantly "on edge"

I've had many clients end up in the emergency room convinced they were having heart attacks, only to learn they were experiencing panic attacks.

Panic attacks deserve a blog of their own, so we'll save that conversation for another day.

Get Back Into Your Body

When your nervous system believes you're in danger, it's difficult to think logically.

That's why therapy isn't simply about telling someone to "calm down."

Instead, we help regulate the nervous system first.

Some grounding techniques I frequently teach include:

• Holding an ice cube

• Placing an ice pack on the back of your neck

• Splashing cold water on your face

• Taking slow, intentional breaths

• Naming five things you can see

• Identifying things you can hear, smell, touch, and taste

• Feeling both feet firmly on the floor

These sensory exercises remind your brain that you're here, in the present moment—not inside the frightening future your mind is imagining.

We Also Challenge the Story Anxiety Is Telling

Grounding helps calm the body.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps us examine the thoughts that keep anxiety alive.

Together we might ask:

• What's the evidence for this belief?

• Is there another explanation?

• Am I assuming the worst?

• What would I tell someone I love if they were having this thought?

We're not trying to force positive thinking.

We're trying to build realistic thinking.

Could It Be Something Else?

People often feel comfortable saying they have anxiety or depression.

While these conditions frequently occur together, they're not the same.

I think of them as two different sides of the same coin. Anxiety often pulls us into fear about the future, while depression can leave us feeling stuck, hopeless, disconnected, or without energy.

As therapists, we explore both.

We also consider whether another condition may be contributing.

One example is ADHD.

Many adults have lived with undiagnosed ADHD for years.

Difficulty focusing, procrastination, forgetting deadlines, struggling to complete tasks, or feeling chronically overwhelmed can understandably create anxiety. Over time, those same struggles can contribute to depression as someone begins believing they're lazy, incapable, or "not good enough."

Sometimes treating ADHD also leads to significant improvements in anxiety and depression because we're finally addressing the root of the problem instead of only the symptoms.

Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Hands

One of my favorite pieces of wisdom comes from Martha Beck:

"Get out of your head and into your hands."

I love this because anxiety thrives inside endless thinking.

Many of my anxious clients find relief through activities like:

• Gardening

• Crocheting

• Knitting

• Painting

• Flower arranging

• Pottery

• Cooking

• Woodworking

• Working on cars

• Building things

When your hands are busy creating, repairing, or caring for something, your mind often quiets down.

It's mindfulness in action.

Do I Experience Anxiety?

Absolutely.

I'm a therapist, but I'm also human.

I experience anxiety here and there, just like many of my clients.

I've also experienced panic attacks in the past.

Over the years, I've benefited from therapy, meditation, journaling, EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, medication, and many of the same grounding tools I encourage my clients to use every day.

When anxiety shows up, I don't expect myself to be immune to it. Instead, I remind myself that my nervous system is trying to protect me. Then I slow down, get back into my body, challenge the anxious story my brain is telling, and lean on the coping skills that I know work.

The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety forever.

The goal is to learn how to respond to it differently.

Therapy Isn't About Convincing You That Life Is Easy

Life contains real challenges.

People lose jobs.

Relationships end.

Parents get sick.

Grief happens.

The world can feel uncertain.

Therapy isn't about telling you your fears aren't valid or pretending everything is okay.

It's about helping you determine which fears are grounded in today's reality and which ones are products of an overprotective nervous system trying a little too hard to keep you safe.

Together, we help your brain and body distinguish between genuine threats and imagined ones, so you don't spend every day living as though danger is just around the corner.

Because anxiety doesn't have to run your life.

So dear friend, with the right support, awareness, and tools, your nervous system can learn something incredibly powerful:

You can feel anxious...and still be safe.

Anxiously Ever After,

Mandy