Vibe Check

My 12-year-old son regularly educates me on what is—and what is not—a vibe. Apparently, this is a very serious assessment process, often referred to as a “vibe check.” He insists that homework and bedtime kill his vibe—though, after 20 minutes of listening to him protest both, I can confirm that his complaining has the same effect on mine.

As a family now firmly rooted in Southern California, we sprinkle “vibe” and “dude” into our sentences more often than Jeff Spicoli himself. For those of us who are not quite fluent in the language of “vibe” (yes, I’m including myself here), it generally refers to an emotional state or the felt sense of a situation—the atmosphere you can sense but not always explain.

In my therapy sessions, clients use the term constantly—vibe-checking first dates, new jobs, friendships, and even awkward family gatherings. At this point, I’ve started to think of “vibe” as a kind of informal diagnostic tool. Forget rating anxiety from 1 to 10; people are often tracking something more nuanced: Does this feel safe? Does this feel aligned? Or does something feel quietly off?

And of course, the therapy room has a vibe too. Part of my job is to be intentional about it. I want clients to feel safe, respected, and supported—held in an atmosphere that is non-judgmental, compassionate, and curious. I often invite feedback directly: Are we on the right track? Does this feel helpful? Does this feel like a space where you can show up fully?

I haven’t yet had a client say, “This session is a total vibe,” but a therapist can dream.

Underneath the slang and shifting language, I think people are pointing toward something deeply human: the felt experience of safety, resonance, and connection. In that sense, “vibe” might just be one of the most honest words we have for emotional truth.

So maybe a good therapeutic relationship is, in fact, a vibe.

Or more accurately—a place where the nervous system can finally exhale.

Sending good vibrations,

Mandy